Every relationship has ups and downs. Perhaps one of the biggest downs is when your partner fails to understand you. How does that make us feel? Left out? A bit lonely? Or it could make us feel extremely annoyed as the person who loves us doesn’t get us.
A obvious example would be when you’re partner doesn’t understand you if you’re sad or not. Or they do notice, but they don’t understand why is it that you’re sad. In some relationships, a partner may even pretend like nothing has happened. They don’t know if they it’s their fault for making you feel that way or if it’s an external issue you are facing. This challenging situation makes a relationship feel quite lonely. Another outcome of this could be is a room full of silence or it could be filled with constant rants and lead to countless disputes.
We all have been there at one point for sure, even if it’s not frequent enough. We tend to throw phrases like,
"You don’t understand what I’m dealing with"
"You don’t get it"
"You don’t get my feelings"
"It's like you don't care enough to understand."
This naïve behavior is seen mostly with first time lovers. As they are new in a relationship, the beginning phase of honey moon will always shine with the fun times. But it’s what happens after that phase which makes you learn more about your partner.
It is pretty obvious what the problem is. A lack of understanding is something very common between most relationships. So it’s time to find a solution and start making things work out between the two of you.
Unusual Myth?
Now you might have heard from most relationship advices that communicating your feelings is the only way to make your love hear your cry out or see each other more often so communication becomes easier rather than just texting. In short everyone will tell you its communication that fixes this problem.
Though this method is not wrong, however it only fixes a minor part of the problem. To fully make your partner put themselves in your shoes and start understanding your feelings, you need dig much deeper to find a solid solution.
The ONE way to make your partner get what you’re feeling and understand everything you want them to understand, is all compiled in one word.
Compassion
What is Compassion in a Relationship?
Compassion refers to the ability to understand your partner with empathy, care and support.
✦ By empathy, you understand what your partner is going through so that they don’t feel alone, knowing that they are in a relationship.
✦ By care, you show that you are there for your partner during hard times. The true definition of love means caring for your lover.
✦ By support, you put your word to action by actually being a team and supporting each other no matter how good or bad things get.
It is often overlooked in most relationships. However, it is the cure to a relationship that suffers from lack of understanding and true love. Communication alone won’t get your partner to help understand your feelings better.
So to make this work there are two ways that can not only help understand you but also understand you much better.
1. Show Compassion toward yourself
Want to be seen and heard emotionally by your partner? Well showing compassion toward yourself is the first step. What does that mean? It means understanding your own needs by seeking where it’s all coming from.
For example if you’re having a bad day at work, try to acknowledge it and accept that sometimes you will have bad days. What most people do is carry all that frustration by letting themselves down. They also avoid showing vulnerability by hiding it. Ultimately they tend to act differently with their partner and sometimes as a result the partner is filled with confusions and misunderstandings. This is the sign of our unconsciousness displaying this type of attitude.
So instead try to show self-compassion by understanding your needs and what you’re experiencing in the current moment. Ask yourself why you are acting the way you are right now.
Put yourself in this position: What do you want your partner to understand from you? You need to first understand where you are coming from. Being kind to yourself first in the only way you realize compassion.
Moreover, when you communicate this mindset to your partner, they may be more understanding of your struggles and be more willing to offer support.
You could ask questions like:
○ Why am I being so hard on myself?
○ What do I really want from myself?
○ Is it that bad that I need to act cruel to myself?
2. Show Compassion to your partner
After gaining clarity from your end, it’s time to show the same to your loving partner. Compassion to your partner comes in many ways which most likely depends on their feelings.
If you notice that your partner is feeling down, ask them about their feelings and let yourself open to listening to them. On the contrary, if they are content, still ask them about their feelings. Furthermore, compliment them if you think that would make them happy. This will let them express themselves to you. Even though all the situations would ideally depend on their current state of emotion, there’s one thing that is common in all situations. That is ‘Putting yourself in your partner’s shoes’.
By showing compassion, you automatically start opening them up about their life. You might be wondering, what’s the point if I want him/her to understand me. Here’s the catch. When you initiate compassion, you receive it too! Ironically even Newton’s law also applies in relationships - Every action has a reaction!
If your partner cares enough, he/she would allow themselves to reciprocate the same value to you. And finally you get what you always wanted, the understanding from someone you always loved.
There you go. You finally know the one ultimate trick which keeps you and your partner close. Remember relationship is a two way street and by communicating compassion the two of you will never block each other’s way out.
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